When I heard of Dr. Lorna Breen who took her own life on April 26, I thought that I should speak up for this woman and everyone before her and after her, and even for me.
I want to be able to write about some of what a human being feels when thoughts of suicide invade her/his mind. I’m one of those… and I have been thinking about it for quite some time; The nagging feeling to depart is haunting me but I’ve been fighting it, because I’m a coward! Yes you heard me, I’m a coward and I’m attached to something called “life”, whatever that means.
Few weeks ago, I was about to pull the plug, figuratively speaking, but what stopped me is a note I received by email, from someone I hold dear to my heart.
He said to me what every person standing on a proverbial cliff, ready to take a plunge wants to hear. That we’re not alone… In his own words, he wrote:
“.. I know you are feeling lonely… and that you’re all alone in this world, but you’re not…
I know you are feeling trapped…
I know you feel that you are stuck in a rut and that time is going too fast, or too slow…
I know that you feel sick and tired because you think you don’t fit in…
I know that you want to live a happier life but it’s been a constant uphill battle for you…
I know you lost everything you worked so hard for…
I know that you are trying to prove yourself to others. But I know you shouldn’t even try..
I know who you are L! and I know how much you mean to people who knew you well…
I know what you feel because I feel the same way…”
His note saved my life and made me want to live one more day, one more month, perhaps one more summer; Only for that glimpse of light at the end of that long, dark and winding tunnel; if only to feel a sense of belonging again…
So for those who can relate, I know how you feel! I get you! You matter! You are strong even when you are at your weakest point. And I love you!
And for those who believe in a god or any divine presence, heaven and hell, eternal life, please control your urge to pass judgement. For those with weak hearts and a high moral index, feel free to unfollow me. It won’t offend me at all.
I’m not publishing this to get anyone’s sympathy nor to invite any sort of “unwanted” counselling or help so…
