Part 1: A letter to the girlfriend of the man I thought was mine…

I probably should hate the idea that you’ll be in the life of my man; sorry… I meant to say the man who was mine, or at least I thought he was…

No, I don’t hate the idea and to prove it, please read this letter..

When you’ll meet him for the first time, let’s call him Mr. A, he’ll sweep you off your feet… You’ll see the tiny wrinkles form in the outer corner of his eyes as he smiles and I’m sure you’ll melt when he looks deep into your eyes and say: I like spending time with you…

With Mr. A, a trip to a burger joint will never be same… it’ll feel like going on a tour to Paris or Rome; everything will be so romantic, and he’ll make everything trivial seem grand and fun. You see, when I met him, he was struggling financially after spending almost two years recovering from a very nasty divorce so all he could afford with me, was a burger from time to time.

When I met him, he used to have very few things in his fridge, mainly cheese and milk, so being the nurturing female that I am, I started doing the groceries and cooking salmon, steak, chicken, quinoa salads, noodles, etc. I wanted to take care of my man… or at least, I thought he was…

When I met Mr. A, he was driving a rental because he couldn’t afford to buy his own car… but now, he’ll pick you up in his convertible and drive you along the beach road, with the wind blowing in his hair and yours. You’ll feel like a celebrity driving around Monaco in South of France.

I remember the day he picked me up on our first date. I thought it was so charming to see such a hunk driving such a small and basic car. It was a mess, full of empty water bottles, small broken toys, hair pins, coloring pens, that belonged to his twin daughters who were almost 5 years old at the time. He will show you the pictures he took of them on that day after he picked them up from school and tell you a funny story or two about them and how smart and switched on they are. He will always refer to them as “my little girls” and you’ll certainly wish that he could be the father of your “future” kids and you would dream of a big happy family… You see, he’ll want you to dream of that…

Then you’ll ask him about his divorce and he’ll tell you:” she wanted a lot more than I was able to provide her with, so she decided to leave me and her kids..” and you’ll feel so perplexed and confused and you’ll probably think out loud and say: “why would any woman want to leave you..”

On your second date, he’ll probably take you to the beach. You see when I met him, he was a member of an old beat-up club with a decent lap pool, so we decided to take on to swimming. I am a good swimmer and so is he; we used to race and challenge each other to set record after record at 500 meters, 750 meters, 3 kilometers.

I used to love his hands brushing “accidently” against my skin under the water. I used to listen like a little girl as he demonstrates how I can improve my strokes.

Now, he’s got this privilege card that grants him access to many hotels with pools that are not really meant for swimming, so you’ll probably lounge, drink and laugh and end up having steamy sex after a long day of fun in the sun… but no, I don’t think you can beat the 3km swimming record that I achieved with my man.. or at least I thought he was…

Then he’ll tell you about all the books he reads and he’ll talk to you about the evolution of human kind, about what really matters in life and how he decided to make his “circle” smaller and become a quasi-minimalist… and you’ll be intoxicated with such originality and eccentricity and you’ll think that you’ve hit jackpot.. not only does he look like a Greek God but he’s got brains too…You see when I met him, I did not hesitate to share my unorthodox beliefs and very unconventional ideologies about relationships, god, religion, humans, love, parenthood, marriage and the meaning of life… He’ll probably plagiarize the same thoughts and beliefs and you’ll think he’s a genius… he’ll tell you about the series of articles and books he read and you’ll fall deeper for this amazing man. This man who was mine, or at least I thought he was…

Then you’ll decide to go on vacation because that’s what every new couple does; if you can get along for more than a week, and still feel good about waking up next to each other then it’s meant to be.. right? At least that’s what I thought it was…

He’ll probably take you to Andalucía and you’ll be surprised at how much he knows about this magical place. You’ll probably go on morning runs by the beach, then go for a hearty lunch at “Pirates”, a famous Chiringuito that serves the best fresh fish you can have in Costa Del Sol.. they’ll ask him how he’s been, but they’ll probably wonder (in silent) about the other chick that used to hang out with him… you see when I went with Mr. A to Andalucía, he could not afford to pay for his trip so I offered to cover for everything, yes everything… because I wanted to be there with him so badly and money did not matter… It was the most beautiful time of my life that I ended up looking for a place to buy because I wanted to duplicate the experience year after year, with him… and I finally bought it, a cute apartment that we both fell in love with. It was a deal too good not to be snatched and it was meant for both of us… or at least I thought it was going to be..

Then comes a time when you’ll start wondering where all this is going.. It feels so right and you’re completely in sync with Mr. A.. He talks about a life of freedom that you could both have together being location independent and savoring each moment together without boundaries and commitment.

You see when I met Mr. A, he had been in few relationships before and had some “friends” most of whom were women he had met on Tinder and according to him, had remained friends because he wasn’t ready for a new commitment nor did they want to be just the “rebound girls” but they were present in his life, day and night… he would be getting text messages from them at 1am and when I was not around, the texting would go on until the early hours of the morning…

Let’s call her Cruella… she is the “good” friend who is anxious to know how he’s getting along with his new found “love”; she is the one who claims to know better about life and relationships and will extend her advice about the negative side of commitment and that Mr. A should stay free… “Cruella is right” he would write in his diaries.. “Cruella said, I should stay free”…

All that would be playing in the background while you’re wondering why is Mr. A not opening up completely and why is he acting weird sometimes? Does he have some sort of a multiple personality disorder?? Does he love “me”?!

You see, when I met Mr. A, I never knew why Cruella and her likes felt so entitled to reach out anytime without any consideration for my feelings… “she’s texting me at this late hour because she’s not aware of the time difference”; I would look him in the eyes to ease my doubts and he would tell me there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just a friend who lives away.. “Cruella and I used to be very good friends, that’s all”.. You see, I fell for it as it all appeared to be so innocent.. or at least I thought it was…

You see, when I met Mr. A, the ex-wife was constantly present and she will always be (I hate to burst your bubble but it’s the truth).. The others like Cruella, Maria, Katherina, Nelly, Veronica, Salma, Karima, Dominica, Alexandra, are just “friends” who are always “there for him when he needs a sympathetic ear”.

Wait, I’m not finished yet.. the list goes on but guess what, when you meet Mr. A, you hopefully won’t have to put up with anything of the sort… And no, don’t worry I won’t be lurking in the background like a snake Cruella and the others were.. I won’t do that to you, because I drank once the same venom.. I am away and will stay away…

Good luck to you…You see when I met Mr. A, he had no home and now, he’s in his high rise that I had worked so hard to build in order to be with the man of my dreams… or at least, I thought he was..